Harry Potter and the 34 Year Old Fan
There’s a new Harry Potter book! There’s a new Harry Potter book! There’s a new Harry Potter book!!!!!!
Okay, I have to catch my breath because just thinking about jumping up and down and yelling that at the top of my lungs has me winded. For real. I am after all, significantly older than I was the last time I donned my robes, drew a lightning bolt on my forehead, and stood in line at midnight to pick up the book so that I could race home to start reading* it.
Jesus, was I really only 26 the last time that happened?
Jesus, was I really 26 and still dressing up in wizard robes and waiting in line for hours to buy a book about kids and magic?
And, real talk, that wasn’t even the last time that I put on my robes. I’ve worn them for countless Halloweens, costume parties, birthday parties, Saturday night movie marathons, etc… since then because… well because I’m an adult and I can do whatever I want… no matter how silly my mother thinks it is.
Now, I’m sure there are people out there that don’t share my excitement for the new book for a plethora of reasons (the phrase “cash grab” has been thrown around House Wellbank a lot this week). There are also people who feel like the series should have ended where it ended. I’m sure there are also Voldemort sympathizers that don’t want to hear any more about the boy who lived.
Also, and no spoilers here, but it’s not really a book as much is it is a hard cover copy of the script for the play. Forewarned is forearmed.
Of course there are probably people that aren’t excited because they just don’t know who this Harry Potter person is. To you few I say, congratulations on coming out of the coma. You’ve missed a lot in the past, well, almost twenty years. The internet really became a lot bigger than I think most of us imagined it would be. Ross and Rachel ended up together. Bellbottoms came back and went away again. Um, Pokemon is still huge but now you play it on your phone. Oh, cell phones, they are super small and basically run the world… oh, Donald Trump is running for president. Yes, that Donald Trump. No, I’m not kidding. Yeah, you missed a lot.
Back to Harry Potter and the Eighth Book That Isn’t Really the Eighth Book But Should Instead Be Called a Companion to the Series. It was a quick read. I even managed to finish it in about twenty-four hours (a feat that I managed due to the early to bed and early to rise mentality of my toddler yesterday, whose story would have been called Harry Potter and the Daughter That Just Won’t Freaking Sleep).
I liked it a whole lot more before my husband and I started talking about it. He has no plans to read it so I was able to just barf all my thoughts and the entire plot all over him while he sat there eating some potato chips. By the time I finished recapping the entire book (screen play) I was feeling a little less favorable. Harry Potter and the Plot Devices That I Totally Saw Coming.
That’s not to say that I regret buying the book (I don’t), or that I regret reading it (I regret NOTHING), I just think it was missing something. Maybe that’s because I’m still bitter that my owl never came (Harry Potter and the 34 Year Old That is Still Upset About Being a Muggle).
I’m hopeful that they make it into a movie. Or that JK Rowling sits down and fleshes it out into an actual story. Or that they make a legit eighth book about Harry Potter that covered the time jump at the end of the seventh book. I would read the crap out of Harry Potter and the Adjustable Rate Mortgage.
Oh, and it is worth mentioning, if you have a Harry Potter hangover and are looking for a little hair of the dog, I suggest reading the Dresden Files by James Butcher. It’s about a detective in Chicago solving supernatural crimes and fighting the big bad. And he’s, you guessed it, a wizard named Harry.
*And this reading would happen straight through the night, and all of the next day, only stopping to pee and eat. Back when I could just explain to anyone that wanted my attention that I was in the middle of reading and would have to get back to them later. Unlike now when I try and read and then end up covered in the entire crew from The Peanuts comics and have a little face keep leaning over my lap, blocking my view, saying, “Bok? Bok? BOK?!?!” (Book? Book? BOOK?!?!). Yeah kid, I know it’s a book. This is me, trying to read said book. Remember this next time you are trying to get through the Monster at the End of This Book.