Lauren Wellbank

One mom and her struggle to survive until bedtime


Category: April Fools

Not My Ghostbusters, How The Thing Ruined My Childhood

The Thing (2011) Review

The Thing

Burn it!

Review by Kenny Wellbank

October 15th 2011

The Thing stars Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Joel Edgerton, and a bunch of dudes that can speak Norwegian, oh and Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, who is cool.

The Thing failed me. Mistake number one, it’s a prequel to the original Thing, and they didn’t make that clear enough. Everyone thought it was a remake. Mistake number two, all the CGI instead of practical effects.

I don’t even know that I can finish this review. The Thing (1982) was a gem from my youth and The Thing (2011) has ruined my childhood.

2.5 out of 5

The Thing (1982) Review

The Thing

Yeah, fuck you too!

Review by Ken Wellbank

June 26 1982

The Thing stars Kurt Russell, Wilford Brimley, Keith David, and a bunch of other dudes.

What is this schlock? The Thing (1982) is a remake of the movie The Thing from Another World, and it spits in the face of one of the best movies of my youth. Directed by shock and gore pusher, John Carpenter, The Thing is a gross and violent movie that will make you squirm in your seat when you’re not nodding off from boredom.

Instead of making a nonsensical story that relies on grisly death scenes and horrifying body destruction, maybe focus on good storytelling and character development, and try not to ruin any more childhoods!

I wish I could write more but I don’t want to give this movie any more thought and tarnish my memories of The Thing From Another World.

Yeah

The Thing From Another World (1951) Review

The Thing OG

An intellectual carrot. The mind boggles.

Review by Kenneth Wellbank

April 7th 1951

The Thing From Another Planet stars a woman and some dead guys that talked like old time radio hosts.

I don’t have much to say. This movie is a adaption of the novel, Who Goes There? By John W. Campbell, Jr. They missed the point of the book. They made a mockery of the book. This is just another example of movies looking to focus more on violence and scares to drum up money from hardworking families. Disgusting. Who Goes There? was a favorite from when I was child, and I can say with all confidence this movie ruined my childhood, and it will ruin yours as well.

Uh-huh

Who Goes There? Book Review

The Thing the Book

That’s not a logical argument. I know it isn’t. The thing isn’t Earth-logic anyway.

Review by K.A. Wellbank

August 22nd 1938

Who Goes There? Was written by John W. Campbell, JR.

This is a good book. Short. Most sentences were easy to understand. Good for children.

Yarp

#turkeyday – How millennials are ruining Thanksgiving

Hello,

It’s me, your 12 pound turkey, with a very important message about Thanksgiving.  I know a letter seems a little formal, especially since you are about to be wrist deep inside of me, but it’s pretty hard to get your attention any other way.  

Remember the other day when you thought you heard a noise coming from your trunk on your way home from the grocery store? That was me, trying to get your attention.

Continue reading

But more specifically…

Happy April 1st and welcome to the brand new “But More Specifically.” If you’re here looking for www.LaurenWellbank.com, I’m sorry.  Mrs. Wellbank saw an opportunity to let us get our word out and graciously sold us her web domain. We hope you’ll stick around!

This weekend is the biggest sporting event of the year, WrestleMania! So we thought there would be no better time than now to talk about some good old professional wrestling.

But more specifically, we are going to discuss the late 80’s and early 90’s era of professional wrestling. Continue reading

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