Tag: Humor

How millennials are ruining Thanksgiving

Dearest millennial host, It’s me, your 19 pound turkey, dropping in with a very important message about Thanksgiving. I know a written letter seems a little formal, especially since you are about to be wrist deep inside of me, but it’s pretty hard to get your attention any other way. For example, do you remember …

Twas the night before cold and flu season

Twas the night before cold and flu season… Twas the night before [insert thing I was looking forward to doing here], when all through the house, not a child was sleeping, not even with their favorite stuffed mouse; Their outfits for tomorrow had been laid out with care, in the hope it would speed up …

Fireworks and Summer Reading Lists

The Fourth of July is finally upon us. I can tell thanks to the sweet, subtle sounds of shit exploding outside my house. The relentless ballistics begin around supper and continue until well after I’ve passed out for the night #merica. The familiar percussion, while equally obnoxious and annoying when you have two sleeping toddlers, …

Kids ruin things, but it’s okay

Becoming a parent is a life altering event. You go from being in charge of just you, to having this whole other human being that relies on you for everything. They also somehow quadruple your laundry load. It’s intense. And it colors everything in your world. Suddenly you find yourself wearing these parenting glasses that …

Not My Ghostbusters, How The Thing Ruined My Childhood

The Thing (2011) Review Burn it! Review by Kenny Wellbank October 15th 2011 The Thing stars Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Joel Edgerton, and a bunch of dudes that can speak Norwegian, oh and Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, who is cool. The Thing failed me. Mistake number one, it’s a prequel to the original Thing, and they didn’t make …

How to enjoy St. Paddy’s day like you don’t have kids when you actually have a couple kids

Seven steps for enjoying St. Paddy’s Day like you did before you had kids. Step one: Dress your kids up in their St. Paddy’s Day finest. I am talking head to toe green, orange, and white. You’re going to need a gigantic green bow for their hair. This works for girls, boys, and patient dogs …

Kids aren’t the same as pets

Kids are not the same as pets. I know there are a lot of people out there who love their “fur babies.” And who may feel personally attacked by that statement, but I assure you I’m not making a judgement call. I’m not trying to quantify love, I’m not the government, but I’m pretty sure …

Five hangover cures that also help you recover from parenting your toddler

There are very few things worse than a hangover. I can actually only think of two, one of them is a hangover at 36-years-old, the other thing is toddlers. Really really loud toddlers. If you’ve experienced either of these things then you know that while you’re in them, they seem to go on endlessly and …

Raising toddlers has forever changed the way I listen to Christmas carols

If your house is anything like mine, your dryer lint has made its annual change-over from glittery* pink fuzz to glittery* red fuzz, the universal signal that Christmastime is once again upon us. *this family has an unsustainable glitter habit

#turkeyday – How millennials are ruining Thanksgiving

Hello, It’s me, your 12 pound turkey, with a very important message about Thanksgiving.  I know a letter seems a little formal, especially since you are about to be wrist deep inside of me, but it’s pretty hard to get your attention any other way.   Remember the other day when you thought you heard …