Tag: Rant

A thank you to all of the “loser teachers” I’ve known

“Keep up that fight, bring it to your schools. You don’t have to be indoctrinated by these loser teachers that are trying to sell you on socialism from birth. You don’t have to do it.” – Donald Trump Jr. I have been thinking about Mrs. Miller a lot lately. She was impossibly nice, had beautiful …

Fireworks and Summer Reading Lists

The Fourth of July is finally upon us. I can tell thanks to the sweet, subtle sounds of shit exploding outside my house. The relentless ballistics begin around supper and continue until well after I’ve passed out for the night #merica. The familiar percussion, while equally obnoxious and annoying when you have two sleeping toddlers, …

This house has gone zero days without me freaking out over something that doesn’t matter

I messed up today. I yelled at my kids this morning because I was frustrated over ten thousand stupid things but also not really one thing in particular at all. Raised my voice because I was trying to get the baby down for a nap while the toddler played her toy pots and pans like …

Kids aren’t the same as pets

Kids are not the same as pets. I know there are a lot of people out there who love their “fur babies.” And who may feel personally attacked by that statement, but I assure you I’m not making a judgement call. I’m not trying to quantify love, I’m not the government, but I’m pretty sure …

Kids Today

There’s been another school shooting. Kids today don’t realize how good they’ve got it. With the rise in accessibility of the internet, they have the entire world at their fingertips. Back in my day, my only internet access was through AOL dial-up. Which was hardwired to an actual landline. And forget about smartphones, we had …

Five hangover cures that also help you recover from parenting your toddler

There are very few things worse than a hangover. I can actually only think of two, one of them is a hangover at 36-years-old, the other thing is toddlers. Really really loud toddlers. If you’ve experienced either of these things then you know that while you’re in them, they seem to go on endlessly and …

Raising toddlers has forever changed the way I listen to Christmas carols

If your house is anything like mine, your dryer lint has made its annual change-over from glittery* pink fuzz to glittery* red fuzz, the universal signal that Christmastime is once again upon us. *this family has an unsustainable glitter habit

#turkeyday – How millennials are ruining Thanksgiving

Hello, It’s me, your 12 pound turkey, with a very important message about Thanksgiving.  I know a letter seems a little formal, especially since you are about to be wrist deep inside of me, but it’s pretty hard to get your attention any other way.   Remember the other day when you thought you heard …

To the woman who made fun of me today at Target

To the woman who made fun of me today at Target, I just wanted to let you know that I saw you make fun of me.  I don’t think you knew I was watching, I was towards the back in the store, tucked out of sight a few rows away.  I get it, I really do, …

Attention parents, you are doing everything wrong

Parents, you are doing everything wrong! Yes, I mean you. Every. Thing. That’s what the headline read as I scrolled through my newsfeed on my phone while nursing my 3 month old (apparently that’s another big no-no, no phones while breastfeeding.  Babies need eye contact while nursing.  PUT YOUR PHONES DOWN RIGHT NOW AND ENGAGE …