Lauren Wellbank

One mom and her struggle to survive until bedtime


Tag: relationships (page 1 of 2)

Not My Ghostbusters, How The Thing Ruined My Childhood

The Thing (2011) Review

The Thing

Burn it!

Review by Kenny Wellbank

October 15th 2011

The Thing stars Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Joel Edgerton, and a bunch of dudes that can speak Norwegian, oh and Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, who is cool.

The Thing failed me. Mistake number one, it’s a prequel to the original Thing, and they didn’t make that clear enough. Everyone thought it was a remake. Mistake number two, all the CGI instead of practical effects.

I don’t even know that I can finish this review. The Thing (1982) was a gem from my youth and The Thing (2011) has ruined my childhood.

2.5 out of 5

The Thing (1982) Review

The Thing

Yeah, fuck you too!

Review by Ken Wellbank

June 26 1982

The Thing stars Kurt Russell, Wilford Brimley, Keith David, and a bunch of other dudes.

What is this schlock? The Thing (1982) is a remake of the movie The Thing from Another World, and it spits in the face of one of the best movies of my youth. Directed by shock and gore pusher, John Carpenter, The Thing is a gross and violent movie that will make you squirm in your seat when you’re not nodding off from boredom.

Instead of making a nonsensical story that relies on grisly death scenes and horrifying body destruction, maybe focus on good storytelling and character development, and try not to ruin any more childhoods!

I wish I could write more but I don’t want to give this movie any more thought and tarnish my memories of The Thing From Another World.

Yeah

The Thing From Another World (1951) Review

The Thing OG

An intellectual carrot. The mind boggles.

Review by Kenneth Wellbank

April 7th 1951

The Thing From Another Planet stars a woman and some dead guys that talked like old time radio hosts.

I don’t have much to say. This movie is a adaption of the novel, Who Goes There? By John W. Campbell, Jr. They missed the point of the book. They made a mockery of the book. This is just another example of movies looking to focus more on violence and scares to drum up money from hardworking families. Disgusting. Who Goes There? was a favorite from when I was child, and I can say with all confidence this movie ruined my childhood, and it will ruin yours as well.

Uh-huh

Who Goes There? Book Review

The Thing the Book

That’s not a logical argument. I know it isn’t. The thing isn’t Earth-logic anyway.

Review by K.A. Wellbank

August 22nd 1938

Who Goes There? Was written by John W. Campbell, JR.

This is a good book. Short. Most sentences were easy to understand. Good for children.

Yarp

Dear Daughter, a letter on your third birthday

Dear daughter, today you turn three. And although I will miss your tiny little voice, and your tiny face, I am excited for the year ahead of us.

Happy Birthday

This year you surprised me in so many ways. Your personality is clearer than ever.  You are the charming little weirdo with a great laugh who is quick to use it.  You’re brave, braver than I could have ever hoped you would be.  Whether it’s facing down the dentist for the first time or spending your first nights away from me, you’ve gone at it all with the same determination.   Continue reading

Shit changes fast around here

Shit changes fast around here, and as soon as I’m used to the current state of things, it changes again.

I’m still in survival mode.  I say still because I think I shifted into it somewhere around my sixth month of pregnancy, maybe somewhere around my second round of strep throat?  The “baby” is now almost seven months. It’s been a while.  Maybe it’s not even really survival mode when you’re coming up on the one year mark.  Maybe this is just my life now.  

I’m okay with it.  Because between the old life and the new, the moves and the changes, we’re all managing to survive.  And that’s good enough for me.

Stuff, stuff everywhere…

Today marks two weeks since we moved into our new house.  All the rooms are still piled high with boxes.  We arrange and then rearrange while we try and figure out where to put all of these toys.  Every time I think I’m making progress I find another box, jam packed with more brightly colored crap. I am inclined to think that Pandora’s Box was just full of mismatched doll outfits and random Lego pieces. Continue reading

Attention parents, you are doing everything wrong

Parents, you are doing everything wrong! Yes, I mean you. Every. Thing.

That’s what the headline read as I scrolled through my newsfeed on my phone while nursing my 3 month old (apparently that’s another big no-no, no phones while breastfeeding.  Babies need eye contact while nursing.  PUT YOUR PHONES DOWN RIGHT NOW AND ENGAGE YOUR LITTLE SQUISH WITH YOUR EYE BALLS). Continue reading

To my grandmother on what would have been her 89th birthday

Yesterday would have been my grandmother’s 89th birthday. We would have celebrated with her favorite dinner (shrimp Alfredo, which she liked the best when my father was the one making it). There would have been cake, or maybe milkshakes, depending on her mood.

A girl and her horse

There would have been laughter, and some grumblings about how she couldn’t believe she was still here, and that she hadn’t yet given up the ghost– a phrase she was growing fond of over the past two years.

Continue reading

6 tips for helping the pregnant woman in your life

Pregnancy, for some it’s a time of glowing and eager anticipation, for others it’s a time of great discomfort and fear, but for almost everyone it’s a time of struggle.

And I’m just talking about the dads here… ba-dum-tss.

The struggle is real

It can be hard to watch the woman that you love the most going through something that you feel like you can’t help with.  I mean, I can only assume, it looks like my husband is having a hard time here.

Continue reading

The second labor may be faster, but everything else is a lie

During your first pregnancy, everyone wants to give you advice.  People are bursting at the seams to share their tried and true parenting hacks with you.  They will tell you that you absolutely-without-a-doubt must breastfeed, or give formula, or co-sleep, or sleep train immediately, or whatever the parenting trend is at the time.

When you’re carrying your second child, the wellspring of advice dries up.  People either sympathize with you, or whisper cautionary tales.

One additional person triples the wash load

They’ll tell you about everything sibling rivalries, and how the work doesn’t just double, it increases exponentially, “One is like one, but two is like twenty.” Continue reading

To my mom on Mother’s Day, thank you

Becoming a mother has been one of the most rewarding (awful), magical (terrifying), and amazing things that has ever happened to me.  I cannot even begin to fully explain the range of emotions that it fills me with every single day.

It also gives me a whole new appreciation for my own mother.  I see things so much differently now.  It’s as though I’ve moved across the street.  The view is still familiar– I know this house, and these neighbors, but I see them in an entirely different way.  Continue reading

This is two, and it’s hard AF

I’m sitting in the driver’s seat.   My two year old is in the back in her car seat, losing her ever loving mind because her shoe came off.

Actually, her shoe didn’t come off, she took it off.  Then she threw it onto the floor.  Now she’s filled with the burning rage of a thousand suns because she only has one shoe on.  She can’t reach the one on the floor to put it back on and she can’t remove the second one and throw it as well.

I’m parked here because I’m meeting a stranger to pick up Girl Scout cookies, well the why isn’t as important as the fact that I’m stuck here for at least ten more minutes.  My daughter, who is now screaming for me to drive away, doesn’t care why we’re here.  She just wants us to go.

Continue reading

How I finally found my mom tribe in a Facebook group

In 2014 I heard the term “mom tribe” for the first time.

Of my very few girlfriends, only a handful were what you would consider close relationships.  Even fewer yet were mothers.  I’d had no reason to be familiar with that term up until then, because before a cold morning in December, I’d had no use for mom tribes.

Just like most new moms, I struggled in the beginning.  I had questions, I felt inadequate, and I wondered more often than not if I was even cut out for all of this. Continue reading

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