Lauren Wellbank

One mom and her struggle to survive until bedtime


Tag: relationships (page 1 of 3)

The bullying doesn’t stop, it just changes

Bullying.

The first time I was teased about the way I looked I was in elementary school. We were sitting in class when the boy sitting next to me said something about my hair. Then the boy next to him joined in, and another boy on the other side of me jumped in, and my first nickname was born: Medusa. Continue reading

How millennials are ruining Thanksgiving

The holidays are upon us

Dearest millennial host,

It’s me, your 19 pound turkey, dropping in with a very important message about Thanksgiving. I know a written letter seems a little formal, especially since you are about to be wrist deep inside of me, but it’s pretty hard to get your attention any other way.
For example, do you remember the other day when you thought you heard a noise coming from your trunk while you were on your way home from the grocery store? Well, that was me trying to get your attention.

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I’m another year older

Look at the Tigger hat, look at it!

1994 maybe?

I’m grateful to wake up another year older today. I know it’s an experience denied so many.

After being serenaded by my kids, and eating a wonderful breakfast cooked by my amazing husband, I answered the age old question, “Do you feel any different?”

The short answer, no. Continue reading

Hello, I’m the failed wife

A letter of thanks from the formerly failed wife.

When I initially wrote this piece for Huffington Post about my whirlwind journey from wife to ex-wife, I didn’t really expect much to come of it. Honestly, I assumed a few people would read it out of morbid curiosity and then never give it a second thought. Fortunately, I’m very used to being wrong.

Since the piece went live Friday morning I have been receiving emails and private messages from people who have experienced similar “failures.” It’s been unbelievable, and I promise I am going to respond to each and every email, message, and comment that I have received as soon as I can think of something more eloquent to say than, “Oh my god, thank you.”

Our Friday the 13th cake topper

Eight years ago, when all of this happened I felt lower than I ever thought was possible. I was sad and hurt and angry – so angry – that I thought there would never be an “after” for me. No, I wasn’t going to feel better after some time had passed. I wouldn’t look back on the experience afterwards and gain some sort of insight that I didn’t have before. My pain would only lengthen with time, it wouldn’t lessen. It would remain tethered to my heart, like a balloon on a string, and it would follow me into every relationship and experiences for the rest of my life. I would always be under its shadow, and it would always taint everything in my life.

Continue reading

Not My Ghostbusters, How The Thing Ruined My Childhood

The Thing (2011) Review

The Thing

Burn it!

Review by Kenny Wellbank

October 15th 2011

The Thing stars Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Joel Edgerton, and a bunch of dudes that can speak Norwegian, oh and Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, who is cool.

The Thing failed me. Mistake number one, it’s a prequel to the original Thing, and they didn’t make that clear enough. Everyone thought it was a remake. Mistake number two, all the CGI instead of practical effects.

I don’t even know that I can finish this review. The Thing (1982) was a gem from my youth and The Thing (2011) has ruined my childhood.

2.5 out of 5

The Thing (1982) Review

The Thing

Yeah, fuck you too!

Review by Ken Wellbank

June 26 1982

The Thing stars Kurt Russell, Wilford Brimley, Keith David, and a bunch of other dudes.

What is this schlock? The Thing (1982) is a remake of the movie The Thing from Another World, and it spits in the face of one of the best movies of my youth. Directed by shock and gore pusher, John Carpenter, The Thing is a gross and violent movie that will make you squirm in your seat when you’re not nodding off from boredom.

Instead of making a nonsensical story that relies on grisly death scenes and horrifying body destruction, maybe focus on good storytelling and character development, and try not to ruin any more childhoods!

I wish I could write more but I don’t want to give this movie any more thought and tarnish my memories of The Thing From Another World.

Yeah

The Thing From Another World (1951) Review

The Thing OG

An intellectual carrot. The mind boggles.

Review by Kenneth Wellbank

April 7th 1951

The Thing From Another Planet stars a woman and some dead guys that talked like old time radio hosts.

I don’t have much to say. This movie is a adaption of the novel, Who Goes There? By John W. Campbell, Jr. They missed the point of the book. They made a mockery of the book. This is just another example of movies looking to focus more on violence and scares to drum up money from hardworking families. Disgusting. Who Goes There? was a favorite from when I was child, and I can say with all confidence this movie ruined my childhood, and it will ruin yours as well.

Uh-huh

Who Goes There? Book Review

The Thing the Book

That’s not a logical argument. I know it isn’t. The thing isn’t Earth-logic anyway.

Review by K.A. Wellbank

August 22nd 1938

Who Goes There? Was written by John W. Campbell, JR.

This is a good book. Short. Most sentences were easy to understand. Good for children.

Yarp

Dear Daughter, a letter on your third birthday

Dear daughter, today you turn three. And although I will miss your tiny little voice, and your tiny face, I am excited for the year ahead of us.

Happy Birthday

This year you surprised me in so many ways. Your personality is clearer than ever.  You are the charming little weirdo with a great laugh who is quick to use it.  You’re brave, braver than I could have ever hoped you would be.  Whether it’s facing down the dentist for the first time or spending your first nights away from me, you’ve gone at it all with the same determination.   Continue reading

Shit changes fast around here

Shit changes fast around here, and as soon as I’m used to the current state of things, it changes again.

I’m still in survival mode.  I say still because I think I shifted into it somewhere around my sixth month of pregnancy, maybe somewhere around my second round of strep throat?  The “baby” is now almost seven months. It’s been a while.  Maybe it’s not even really survival mode when you’re coming up on the one year mark.  Maybe this is just my life now.  

I’m okay with it.  Because between the old life and the new, the moves and the changes, we’re all managing to survive.  And that’s good enough for me.

Stuff, stuff everywhere…

Today marks two weeks since we moved into our new house.  All the rooms are still piled high with boxes.  We arrange and then rearrange while we try and figure out where to put all of these toys.  Every time I think I’m making progress I find another box, jam packed with more brightly colored crap. I am inclined to think that Pandora’s Box was just full of mismatched doll outfits and random Lego pieces. Continue reading

Attention parents, you are doing everything wrong

Parents, you are doing everything wrong! Yes, I mean you. Every. Thing.

That’s what the headline read as I scrolled through my newsfeed on my phone while nursing my 3 month old (apparently that’s another big no-no, no phones while breastfeeding.  Babies need eye contact while nursing.  PUT YOUR PHONES DOWN RIGHT NOW AND ENGAGE YOUR LITTLE SQUISH WITH YOUR EYE BALLS). Continue reading

To my grandmother on what would have been her 89th birthday

Yesterday would have been my grandmother’s 89th birthday. We would have celebrated with her favorite dinner (shrimp Alfredo, which she liked the best when my father was the one making it). There would have been cake, or maybe milkshakes, depending on her mood.

A girl and her horse

There would have been laughter, and some grumblings about how she couldn’t believe she was still here, and that she hadn’t yet given up the ghost– a phrase she was growing fond of over the past two years.

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6 tips for helping the pregnant woman in your life

Pregnancy, for some it’s a time of glowing and eager anticipation, for others it’s a time of great discomfort and fear, but for almost everyone it’s a time of struggle.

And I’m just talking about the dads here… ba-dum-tss.

The struggle is real

It can be hard to watch the woman that you love the most going through something that you feel like you can’t help with.  I mean, I can only assume, it looks like my husband is having a hard time here.

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