Lauren Wellbank

One mom and her struggle to survive until bedtime


Hello, I’m the failed wife

A letter of thanks from the formerly failed wife.

When I initially wrote this piece for Huffington Post about my whirlwind journey from wife to ex-wife, I didn’t really expect much to come of it. Honestly, I assumed a few people would read it out of morbid curiosity and then never give it a second thought. Fortunately, I’m very used to being wrong.

Since the piece went live Friday morning I have been receiving emails and private messages from people who have experienced similar “failures.” It’s been unbelievable, and I promise I am going to respond to each and every email, message, and comment that I have received as soon as I can think of something more eloquent to say than, “Oh my god, thank you.”

Our Friday the 13th cake topper

Eight years ago, when all of this happened I felt lower than I ever thought was possible. I was sad and hurt and angry – so angry – that I thought there would never be an “after” for me. No, I wasn’t going to feel better after some time had passed. I wouldn’t look back on the experience afterwards and gain some sort of insight that I didn’t have before. My pain would only lengthen with time, it wouldn’t lessen. It would remain tethered to my heart, like a balloon on a string, and it would follow me into every relationship and experiences for the rest of my life. I would always be under its shadow, and it would always taint everything in my life.

As usual, I was wrong.

I mean, sure, the pain followed me around and it stayed with me but as time went on I lengthened the string. That balloon flew higher and higher until one day I couldn’t even see its shadow. I forget that it’s even there sometimes. That’s not to say that it’s gone. While I was writing that essay, I found myself re-experiencing some of those initial emotions. Believe me when I tell you I had to make several passes and delete many angry words. Yeah, I still have some residual anger, but I’m not angry. How can I be angry when my life is so good? I have experienced the best days of my life since filing for divorce.

I met the man of my dreams. He is my best friend and my soul mate. We have more in common, and more fun with each other, than I ever thought would be possible. Our house is full of laughter, children, and happiness. I wouldn’t change anything that has brought me to this point.

Because, as I said, here is where I was always meant to be.

So to everyone who reached out to me, everyone that has supported me, and yeah, and shit I suppose even to my ex-husband, I say thank you.

XO

The formerly failed wife

6 Comments

  1. Your text touched me a lot! I broke up 5 months ago with my fiance after discovering that he was not who he pretended to be. Like you said, all the guild, the frustration, the questionning, the sadness and the not understanding how I could not see what was so evident. You give me hope that one day the sun will shine again and everything will make sense. Like you said I am a bright, intelligent and independant woman, how could have fell into a manipulator claw and not see it coming? I had to find him in the arms of another one 4 days after our engagement to find out who he was, discover that he was stealing me money and what an ah he was to fall back on my knees in total despair to understand that I had been fooled for 3 years without seeing. Now I feel stupid and abuse. But your text helped me

  2. Lauren,
    Your Huffington Post story could so easily have been written about me as well. I can’t tell you how comforting it is knowing that someone out there knows exactly what you’ve been through. I’m so glad to hear it worked out for the best for you, as it did for me too. I hope anyone who finds themselves in a similar place in their lives gets a chance to read your story. Thank you so much for sharing!

    • Lauren Wellbank

      September 27, 2018 at 2:46 pm

      Thank you so much for saying that! It was such a hard, dark time for me but it turned around in a way that I never expected. I’m glad your experiance worked out for the best as well! ❤ I hate the whole “everything happens for a reason” mentality but in this instance I believe it was true for me.

  3. I’m crying because this hits home so hard. I’ve already sent you an e-mail after reading the initial article and then I found this and it makes it SO MUCH BETTER!! I’m right where you were, in the middle of divorce after such a short marriage and the shame and embarrassment that followed with the accompaniment of the “I’m always going to feel this way. I will never get over this” is all too real. Thank you so much for this silver lining and the sun that’s now shining in my day ❤

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