Hello, I’m the failed wife
A letter of thanks from the formerly failed wife.
When I initially wrote this piece for Huffington Post about my whirlwind journey from wife to ex-wife, I didn’t really expect much to come of it. Honestly, I assumed a few people would read it out of morbid curiosity and then never give it a second thought. Fortunately, I’m very used to being wrong.
Since the piece went live Friday morning I have been receiving emails and private messages from people who have experienced similar “failures.” It’s been unbelievable, and I promise I am going to respond to each and every email, message, and comment that I have received as soon as I can think of something more eloquent to say than, “Oh my god, thank you.”
Eight years ago, when all of this happened I felt lower than I ever thought was possible. I was sad and hurt and angry – so angry – that I thought there would never be an “after” for me. No, I wasn’t going to feel better after some time had passed. I wouldn’t look back on the experience afterwards and gain some sort of insight that I didn’t have before. My pain would only lengthen with time, it wouldn’t lessen. It would remain tethered to my heart, like a balloon on a string, and it would follow me into every relationship and experiences for the rest of my life. I would always be under its shadow, and it would always taint everything in my life.
As usual, I was wrong.
I mean, sure, the pain followed me around and it stayed with me but as time went on I lengthened the string. That balloon flew higher and higher until one day I couldn’t even see its shadow. I forget that it’s even there sometimes. That’s not to say that it’s gone. While I was writing that essay, I found myself re-experiencing some of those initial emotions. Believe me when I tell you I had to make several passes and delete many angry words. Yeah, I still have some residual anger, but I’m not angry. How can I be angry when my life is so good? I have experienced the best days of my life since filing for divorce.
I met the man of my dreams. He is my best friend and my soul mate. We have more in common, and more fun with each other, than I ever thought would be possible. Our house is full of laughter, children, and happiness. I wouldn’t change anything that has brought me to this point.
Because, as I said, here is where I was always meant to be.
So to everyone who reached out to me, everyone that has supported me, and yeah, and shit I suppose even to my ex-husband, I say thank you.
The formerly failed wife