I’m another year older

Look at the Tigger hat, look at it!
1994 maybe?
I’m grateful to wake up another year older today. I know it’s an experience denied so many.

After being serenaded by my kids, and eating a wonderful breakfast cooked by my amazing husband, I answered the age old question, “Do you feel any different?”

The short answer, no.

I didn’t wake up with any new aches or pains. Instead I woke up with a new crop of pimples #foreveryoung. There weren’t any new wrinkles or gray hairs that I noticed, but honestly I didn’t check. This year isn’t one of the big ones, and even if it was, I’m not sure that I’d really care. I’m comfortable in my age. I slip it on like an old coat. Just like an old coat, it’s warm and comfortable, and it’s something I don’t really think about more often than when I need it. Which at the ripe old age of “obviously legal to drink” isn’t that often.

I’ll admit though, there was a moment this morning where I felt a little sad. Not about getting older, but about where I am in life. Not at 37, but in October because for the past four years, October has been a huge month for me.

Four years ago, I was expecting my first child in a few short (long) weeks.

Three years ago, I was less than a month away from my wedding day.

Two years ago, I was announcing to my friends and family that our party of three was about to be four.

Last year, we were a few days away from making settlement on our new home.

This year, I feel like there’s nothing on the horizon for me. Which is obviously not how life works. We really don’t see these life changing things coming. Even when we’re planning them, or working towards them, we don’t truly know how we will feel  before they happen. The day before I found out I was going to become a mom I didn’t know what the weeks leading up to giving birth would feel like. I sure as hell didn’t know what being a first time mom would feel like. Yeah, I have walked down the aisle before so I kinda knew what the whole “here comes the bride” experience would be, but I didn’t know what it would feel like to marry the love of my life. Each of these things, even though I’ve done them before, was a life changing event. And I didn’t know how my life was going to change until it did.

Turning 37 hasn’t changed my life, but then again I’m only about 12 hours into it. It’s weird to find both comfort and frustration in the fact that I seem to be stagnant in the moment (but hey, maybe this is what 37 is all about).

All I do know is that these moments of great change rarely announce themselves, and even when they do we’re usually unprepared for how we’ll react.

Even still, I have a good feeling about the year to come <3

4 thoughts on “I’m another year older”

  1. Hello Lauren, I saw your “I Am 37 Years Old And I Live Paycheck To Paycheck” story on Huffpost and I came to say “Thank you!” and to try and cheer you up! You reminded me how 10 years ago my unemployment was running out, my wife also couldn’t find a job, our credit card debt was over $18k, we defaulted on most of our credit cards, and the interest alone was over $400 a month… Those were dark times and all thanks be to God that we didn’t have a home to worry about!

    In the months to follow I studied a lot and changed fields from construction to IT. My wife went to become a full time mom and we haven’t looked into her employment ever since. We were able to pay off all of the debt without filing bankruptcy on a single income, but I know we were close to giving up…

    My heart is with you and yours because I know how hard it is to get out of debt. May I suggest one less thing for you to do? Stop worrying! You already are doing everything right! There’s nothing you can add to it. But you can certainly stop doing that: worrying. Stop running through “what if” scenarios – they are certainly not helping either. The worry is stealing your creativity. You of all people know it best that creativity has value, so please protect it. Do the right things: care for yourself, your husband, your children, your finances (spreadsheets, etc.) yet stop worrying. Find that peace inside of you. We’ve been through tough times yet had peace about the situation up to adding kids to our family in those times; I know you could have that peace as well (not about having more kids, but about your situation :)).

    Lauren, find that peace and protect it. You still have so much ahead of you! Do not let worry destroy you!

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