I’m grateful to wake up another year older today. I know it’s an experience denied so many.
After being serenaded by my kids, and eating a wonderful breakfast cooked by my amazing husband, I answered the age old question, “Do you feel any different?”
The short answer, no.
I didn’t wake up with any new aches or pains. Instead I woke up with a new crop of pimples #foreveryoung. There weren’t any new wrinkles or gray hairs that I noticed, but honestly I didn’t check. This year isn’t one of the big ones, and even if it was, I’m not sure that I’d really care. I’m comfortable in my age. I slip it on like an old coat. Just like an old coat, it’s warm and comfortable, and it’s something I don’t really think about more often than when I need it. Which at the ripe old age of “obviously legal to drink” isn’t that often.
I’ll admit though, there was a moment this morning where I felt a little sad. Not about getting older, but about where I am in life. Not at 37, but in October because for the past four years, October has been a huge month for me.
Four years ago, I was expecting my first child in a few short (long) weeks.
Three years ago, I was less than a month away from my wedding day.
Two years ago, I was announcing to my friends and family that our party of three was about to be four.
Last year, we were a few days away from making settlement on our new home.
This year, I feel like there’s nothing on the horizon for me. Which is obviously not how life works. We really don’t see these life changing things coming. Even when we’re planning them, or working towards them, we don’t truly know how we will feel before they happen. The day before I found out I was going to become a mom I didn’t know what the weeks leading up to giving birth would feel like. I sure as hell didn’t know what being a first time mom would feel like. Yeah, I have walked down the aisle before so I kinda knew what the whole “here comes the bride” experience would be, but I didn’t know what it would feel like to marry the love of my life. Each of these things, even though I’ve done them before, was a life changing event. And I didn’t know how my life was going to change until it did.
Turning 37 hasn’t changed my life, but then again I’m only about 12 hours into it. It’s weird to find both comfort and frustration in the fact that I seem to be stagnant in the moment (but hey, maybe this is what 37 is all about).
All I do know is that these moments of great change rarely announce themselves, and even when they do we’re usually unprepared for how we’ll react.
Even still, I have a good feeling about the year to come <3